Handling Critics & Criticism

Handling Critics and criticism  is a must learn if one wishes to be an "Ace Performer" in his profession or business. Unfortunately, there are no formal courses on "Handling Critics and criticism". It is something you have to learn yourself, and sometimes the hard way.

The natural immediate response to criticism is to feel discouraged and unhappy. However, criticism has many and very positive benefits too. I am certainly not an Authority on Handling Critics and criticism. However, over the years, and thanks to some of my permanent, 'professional' critics I have evolved into a person who is absolutely "indifferent" to the opinions and behavior of others. 

I learnt my first lesson on "Handling Critics and criticism" nearly eighteen years ago when I started Goa's first Dental Cramic Laboratory. Prior to that, I used to have a very good and cordial relationship with ALL the local Dentists in Goa. It is possible my Laboratory triggered the 'insecurity button' and created "an intellectual diaorrhea" in some of my professional collegues. They started spreading all kinds of well orchested rumors , and did everything possible  to damage my reputation. 

Although it was very painful in the beginning, I guess my Goa Dentist Critics  indirectly helped me to learn a couple of "life lessons" in  "Handling Critics and criticism". And thanks to them, these are some of the lessons I learnt over the years... I call them the seven Golden Rules of Handling Critics and criticism :-

1. If you are being criticised it may well be an indication that you have taken a risk and chosen to tackle something which others didn't dare to earlier . Receiving such criticism is "infinitely preferable" to being praised for something which is being done by everybody. 

2.If you are convinced that the criticism is "unjustified", you should respond to it very "assertively". Sadly, I had to do it with some of the dentist colleagues in Goa, and I did it very effectively. Although unjust and destructive criticism can make serious demands on your inter-personal skills, it is certainly worth it in the long run. 

3. Criticism should be regarded as a valuable feedback and a necessary part of "Life learning" process. It helps you to rectify your personal and professional deficiencies. And if you are not  distracted by it, criticism actually helps you to remain focussed on  doing things 'better' .

 4. Always aim to develop a positive attitude to any criticism which comes your way. See it as a way of gaining understanding, self confidence and as a contributor to your personal development. I can assure you, that, developing these skills makes you less susceptible to the negative effects of criticism .

 5. If the criticism comes from a genuine well wisher,  do not be overbearing and aggressive. Try your best to be kind, straightforward, open and honest. Even if you do not agree with such critics, try to relate well with them. However, be firm and express your views freely.

6.  Always take responsibility for your feelings and stand up for yourself when necessary. In conflict situations, wherever possible, it is best to reach a 'win-win' outcome. It is always nice to look at an issue from the other's point of view.

7. Since "destructive criticism" often arises from jealousy and spitefulness, the best policy  is to ignore it as far as possible. Although I rarely mix around with the local dentists in Goa, I am fully aware of the negative criticism that is going on behind my back (purely out of professional jealousy). I have learnt to "care a damn" for them.

I am sure, you too must have encountered Critics and criticism in your life, and learnt a thing or two on how to Handle Critics and criticism. Please do share your inputs with me. Who knows?... maybe your ideas will help me to get a Ph.D. in Handling Critics and criticism... Ha, ha, ha.  

Let "kindness" rule your life...

Every  now and then I make it a point to review my values and priorities. I do it primarily because I like to take full responsibility for my actions and their consequences. For me, it is also an 'Accountability-Performance Test'... Tests to know where I am and where I am going.  They have greatly helped me in my professional success, and also in being the person that I am today.


All these years of my existence on earth, and as far back  I can remember, I was driven by three important values... Honesty, hard work and 'straight forwardness'. I guess I inherited these values from my late mother, a person who was always very dear to my heart. 


Although I never had any problem with my first two values (of being honest and hard working), 'straight forwardness' did put me into a few embarrassing situations. They were situations that I could have easily avoided... if I was only less focussed on my 'straight forwardness' and more sensitive to the feelings of others.


Sadly, despite being fully aware of its consequences, being 'straight forward' with people continued to be a primary feature of my personality. I must confess that I did take a great pride in my 'straight forwardness' simply because I liked being very 'expressive and vocal' about my views and beliefs. And it did not matter how others felt about it.


Although many of my childhood views and beliefs have undergone a massive transformation over the years, so have my values. Yes, my traditional values of honesty, hard work and 'straight forwardness' continue to guide my life. But I have consciously added  a 'new one' to my existing List. I have now made "kindness" the highest value in my life. And all my earlier three values are now subject to it. 


I am fully aware that I have a long way to go, to be a 'kinder person' than what I am today. Despite my good intentions, many a times I continue to goof-up and hurt people with my blunt 'straight forwardness'. But  despite these failures, I am determined to walk this endless path of kindness. I have always believed, that, it does not matter if one fails in his attempts; but there should be no failure of attempts.


Many factors have contributed to my 'change of heart'.  However, I guess it was Martin Luther King's famous words that initiated the process of change two years ago. The great man whom I hold as one of my Role Models had written- "Everybody can be great, because everybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love".


I am determined to become a 'kinder person'... a soul generated and driven by love. And as I undergo this difficult process of transformation into a 'kinder Hubert Gomes', I feel my inner voice telling me that I shall seek not only God's forgiveness, but also seek 'public forgiveness' from people I have hurt in the past (knowingly and unknowingly).  And I want to do it with great humility,a strong conviction, and without an iota of embarrassment.


Although there were many 'rational reasons' for my past actions and reactions (when I was forced to act 'tough' with certain people), I do not wish to offer them as 'justifications' for my past behavior. A 'straight forwardness' that hurts people is simply not acceptable to me anymore. I want my heart to be in agreement with what my mind now believes in... "Kindness" should overrule everything else in Life!


Yes, I want to see a better and fairer World in my life time. And I do not want to 'only wish' , but go out of my way, to actively contribute to make it happen. And I am convinced that a "better and fairer world" can only come about if we shower the existing world order with greater sincerity, 'kindness' and love. 


And I want to contribute to this vision of a 'Better World', by first working on myself to evolve into a "better human being"... a person who is less self centered and MORE community centered. I am sure my God  will bless my noble intentions, and bless the world... and make it a "better and fairer world", than what it is today! 
And with great 'faith', I am waiting for that to happen!

When 'death' shatters us...

Death does not spare anybody. And yet, most of us do not know how to cope up with the death of a loved one. Many of us feel totally shattered when we loose somebody very dear to our hearts. However, noted clinical psychologist Dr George Bonanno thinks 'differently'. And in his new best seller book The other side of Sadness, he provides us with new insights, and offers us a practical recipe on 'how to deal with Grief?'

Here is an interesting review of The other side of Sadness which I read recently, and I want to share the contents of this review with all of you:

What do we know, or think we know, about the way we respond when a loved one dies?

We pass with the dying through the Kübler-Ross stages — denial, anger and so forth. We realize that people who seem happy or even crack jokes after a terrible loss are faking it and that we will pay a psychological price for not dutifully attending to our own “grief work.” We seek therapy or grief counseling, and if we would rather not, we berate ourselves for living in a harmful state of denial.

But scientists have studied the reactions of thousands of people to loss in the decades since Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, who worked with terminally ill patients, postulated her theories about moving from one distinct, predictable phase of grief to the next. One of the most prominent bereavement researchers — George A. Bonanno, a clinical psychologist who is chairman of the counseling and clinical psychology department at Teachers College at Columbia University — has just published an intriguing and reassuring exploration of what they had learned. Among the findings is that all the widespread assumptions about mourning I just mentioned are fallacious.

In “The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss,” Dr. Bonanno does not minimize the acute sorrow people feel when someone they love dies. He acknowledges that a small proportion of mourners — 10 percent to 15 percent, he reports — have long-lasting depression and distress and may benefit from medical intervention. But most people are, to use the term he does, resilient: they fluctuate between pain and happier emotions, seek comfort, maintain their equilibrium and, before long, find renewed meaning and pleasure in life.

“Most bereaved people get better on their own, without any kind of professional help,” Dr. Bonanno writes. “They may be deeply saddened, they may feel adrift for some time, but their life eventually finds its way again, often more easily than they thought possible. This is the nature of grief. This is human nature.”

Readers of New Old Age have had, or will have, front-row seats at this innate human drama as we lose our elderly parents, as they lose each other, and as they and we attend a growing number of funerals. Understanding the reality of how we cope and adapt — because for the most part, we do — can help. I found “The Other Side of Sadness” a useful correction to a lot of well-intentioned misinterpretation

When 'bad moods' are good...

This is an interesting article I read a moment ago...

Bad moods can actually be good for you, with an Australian study finding that being sad make people less gullible, improves their ability to judge others and also boosts memory.

The study, authored by psychology professor Joseph Forgas at theUniversity of New South Wales, showed that people in a negative mood were more critical of, and paid more attention to, their surroundings than happier people, who were more likely to believe anything they were told.

"Whereas positive mood seems to promote creativity, flexibility, cooperation, and reliance on mental shortcuts, negative moods trigger more attentive, careful thinking paying greater attention to the external world," Forgas wrote.

"Our research suggests that sadness ... promotes information processing strategies best suited to dealing with more demanding situations."

For the study, Forgas and his team conducted several experiments that started with inducing happy or sad moods in their subjects through watching films and recalling positive or negative events.

In one of the experiments, happy and sad participants were asked to judge the truth of urban myths and rumors and found that people in a negative mood were less likely to believe these statements.

People in a bad mood were also less likely to make snap decisions based on racial or religious prejudices, and they were less likely to make mistakes when asked to recall an event that they witnessed.

The study also found that sad people were better at stating their case through written arguments, which Forgas said showed that a "mildly negative mood may actually promote a more concrete, accommodative and ultimately more successful communication style."

"Positive mood is not universally desirable: people in negative mood are less prone to judgmental errors, are more resistant to eyewitness distortions and are better at producing high-quality, effective persuasive messages," Forgas wrote.

The study was published in the November/December edition of the Australasian Science journal.

Behavioral Changes

I received this beautiful article in an email from a friend. All of us are 'imperfect' and genuinely desire to bring about certain changes in our existing behavior. We all want to be "better human beings". But many a times we do not know how to bring about the desired  'behavioral changes' in our life. Hopefully, the following article will be of some help to those who are serious about 'turning a new leaf' in their life.

Five Steps to Achieving Behavioral Changes in our life:

Developing yourself as a leader isn't easy; behavioral change is hard, time-consuming, and frustrating. However, removing the five most common roadblocks to change can make your path to self improvement better:
1. Take ownership. If you don't think you can change, you can't. Believe in your ability to change and take ownership before getting started.
2. Be patient. Positive, lasting results take time, usually 50% to 100% longer than most people initially think.
3. Accept difficulties. Real change takes real work. When setting out, be prepared to face challenges you didn't anticipate.
4. Refuse to be distracted. Something more important will inevitably come up. You need to make your development a priority and refuse to let distractions divert your path.
5. Maintain. Once you've started to see traction, don't declare victory. Sustainable change requires maintenance over a lifetime.

The benefits of Olive Oil...

Here is an interesting article I read recently, on the many benefits of 'olive oil'...


Besides being one of the best sources to go to for a healthy dose of monounsaturated fat - a key nutrient for lowering cholesterol levels - olive oil is something of a medical marvel. It's always been known as a healthy oil, but only recently have we come to know just what it is specifically about olive oil that makes it so darn healthy.

For starters, olive oil - particularly extra virgin olive oil - is very high in antioxidants, one in particular called DHPEA-EDA. When researchers exposed red blood cells under oxidative stress to this and other antioxidants, they found that the DHPEA-EDA provided the best "stress-alleviation," if you will, fighting off the free radicals to a greater extent than the three other antioxidant compounds used in the study.

Writing in the journal Molecular Nutrition and Food Research, the researchers say their findings give nutritionists the first glimpse of what makes olive oil so medically marvelous. But a new study linking extra virgin olive oil to Alzheimer's disease prevention suggests there's even more to olive oil than meets the eye.

It's called oleocanthal, and it's a natural compound found in rich supply in extra virgin olive oil. Some say oleocanthal is what gives olive oil its "peppery bite," but the only bite researchers were recently concerned with was whether it could take a bite out of Alzheimer's disease.

The answer? You bet it can!

Writing in the journal Toxicology and Applied Pharmacology, researchers said the oleocanthal in olive oil binds to toxic proteins that clog the synapses on the hippocampus, which is the first sign of Alzheimer's disease onset. The hippocampus is the section of the brain that's most adversely affected by Alzheimer's disease.

Now, this study was not clinical, but researchers believe that future studies investigating olive oil's ties to Alzheimer's prevention will include humans. In the meantime, if history is any guide, it wouldn't be at all surprising if yet another study comes out pointing to yet another aspect of olive oil that makes it so medically marvelous.

It is generally recommended that people consume about two tablespoons worth of olive oil for maximum health benefit. And to reap the benefits of as many antioxidants as possible, purchase extra virgin olive oil, being sure to store it in an area that's not well lit. A study published in New Scientist found that extra virgin olive oils lost at least 30 percent of their antioxidant content after one year of storage in a well-lit area.

Radical increase in Swine Flu deaths

The Americas have seen the sharpest rise in swine flu deaths

Swine Flu does not seem to spare anybody. Not even the famous political leaders in India. The latest VIP to be diagnosed as suffering from Swine Flue is the Chief Minister of Gujarat Mr Narendra Modi. As I wish him a speedy recovery, here is the latest update on swine flu...

The number of swine flu deaths reported worldwide has jumped by more than 700 in a week, latest World Health Organization figures reveal.

More than 5,700 swine flu deaths were reported by 25 October, compared to nearly 5,000 the week before.

The biggest rise was in the Americas where 4,175 deaths have been reported, up 636 from the week before.

Meanwhile, Ukraine has shut all schools and banned public meetings for three weeks after its first swine flu death.

Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko said the measures were to prevent the spread of the H1N1 virus.

Mrs Tymoshenko said there would also be restrictions on what she called non-urgent travel between different parts of Ukraine.

Cases 'unreported'

The latest WHO figures showed there had been 440,000 confirmed cases of the H1N1 virus worldwide.

But the organisation said that as many countries have stopped counting individual cases, the actual number is likely to be significantly higher.

The BBC's Imogen Foulkes says the WHO has warned for months that as winter sets in, the northern hemisphere can expect swine flu cases to rise. Now that appears to be happening.

The virus emerged in Mexico in April and was declared a global flu pandemic on 11 June.

"In the temperate zone of the northern hemisphere, influenza transmission continues to intensify, marking an unusually early start to winter influenza season in some countries," said the WHO's latest update.

Statistics showed fatal cases in Europe climbed to at least 281, while those in Asia-Pacific rose to 1,070.

In a separate statement, the WHO said that experts meeting this week had concluded that a single dose of swine flu vaccine was sufficient to immunise adults and children over 10.

The Strategic Advisory Group of Experts (Sage) said that countries that had made vaccinating children a priority could administer them a single dose to ensure that as many as possible are immunised quickly.

It said that while more data on children between six months and 10 years was needed "the priority should be to give them at least one dose of vaccine now, and to cover as many of them as possible".